Trenton's Thumbelina
by CSG4ME
Summary: This is a story I started in high school and finally got drunk enough to finish. If you're in the mood for something totally silly and pointless, this is for you! Enjoy, and please don't judge too harshly
1. Chapter 1

OK so, this is an idea that I came up with like two days ago. I think it's hilarious. I am also certifiably insane. Let me know what you think

Disclaimer: I own nobody. The plot is mine, and the song isn't. Please don't sue

It was too freaking cold for this. Trenton in the winter time is not exactly a welcoming climate. Trenton in the winter time at night in an empty field in a skimpy dress is my own personal version of torture. However, this had to be done. There was no getting around it. "Ok Steph, you know what you gotta do" I reminded myself. I tilted back my head and sang, "You will be my wings, you will lift me high above, everything we're dreaming of will soon be ours." My head was thrown back and my arms were spread wide. I peeked out of one eye to see if it had worked yet. Damn. Nothing. "Anything that we desire, anything at all, everyday you'll take me higher" ok this was when he was supposed to do his part. I waited for the voice I knew so well.

"Babe"

"Hah, I knew it would work"

"Babe, what would work?"

I sighed, men can be such idiots. "My plan. It worked," I stated simply. Geez, he was messing this whole thing up. After I was done singing he was supposed to show up, kiss me, proclaim his undying love for me and then we were supposed to fall into happily ever after and ride away on a horse, or a black Mercedes, whatever.

"I see. And you needed to stand in the middle of a frozen field at night in a skimpy red dress to complete this plan?" Ranger queried.

Ranger sounded confuzzled. I giggled, was that even a word? How can a confuzzled man fall into happily ever after with me? Oh well, if he wasn't going to go along with part two of my plan, I was going to help him out. I took a step towards him, ok so it was more like I stumbled in his general direction. Ranger raised an eyebrow.

"You know, you are messing with the plan here" I kindly informed him

"It might help if I knew what the plan was"

"But if I explain the plan it would ruin the plan and the plan took me so long to come up with that I can't ruin it now so I can't tell you the plan." Hmmm, that last bit was a little slurred. Why was Ranger spinning? Ranger was not supposed to be doing pirouettes in the snow. That was not part of the plan.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all of you who reviewed. If you don't understand what is gong on after this chapter, drop a review and I'll reply. NEWAYS, I would like to state for the record that none of the characters are mine, just the seriously nutty (I find it humorous) plot. ENJOY! (p.s. REVIEW)

My head hurt. It hurt really bad. Oh well, since it was lying on such soft sheets, I might as well leave it there. I could venture to the bathroom for some aspirin later. The only question was, why did my head hurt so bad? OK lets review, yesterday was Saturday. It was supposed to be a relaxing day after the week I had, but as usual, things didn't go as planned. Since, Joe and I had broken up, for real this time, I had decided to do some retail therapy. I went to the mall and then my cell rang. It was my sister Valerie, and she needed me to watch Angie and Mary Alice while she took Lisa to the doctor. I grudgingly agreed, and hauled on over to their new house. Surprisingly, the day went smoothly. We had a movie fest and I ordered in lunch. It was really fun; we watched Beauty and the Beast, Shrek and Thumbelina. I hadn't seen any of those movies in what seemed like forever, and the cheesiness of it all made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I headed back to my apartment and was set to veg for the night until Mary Lou had called. Apparently she and Lenny were having some issues and she wanted to go out for the night. We headed over to one of the nicer bars in Trenton, decked out in our sultry best. I remember we were pretty much chugging margaritas and whining about/ dissing the men in our lives. I told Mary Lou about Ranger. She got me to admit to her that I loved him. Note to self; never drink margaritas with your best friend who will wheedle every last secret out of you. Anyways, we had come up with a plan. Oh God NO! Please let that be a dream please let that be a dream please let the be a dream

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty"

"Ranger, could you maybe not talk so loud, my head hurts" I whispered. Shit! It wasn't a dream. And now that I thought about it, this wasn't my apartment. Double Shit! I had passed out and ranger had taken me back to his apartment. This was bad, very very bad, in a very very good way. So the plan had kinda worked, without the whole confession of undying love part.

"Babe" Ranger chuckled

"I need the Cure" The smell of something yummy drifted towards my nostrils. "You are a god among men" I told Ranger as I sat up and reached for my fries and Coke.

After I had scarfed the cure, I felt better. "Babe, what were you doing in the middle of a field singing last night?" Ok, suddenly I didn't feel that great anymore

"Ummmm, I was drunk" yes, brilliant, state the obvious

"I noticed" Ranger said dryly

"Well, I was drunk and May Lou and I had a plan. I was executing the plan" Haha, take that Mr. Evasion

"You mentioned the plan last night"

"Then why are you asking me what I was doing?" hehehe I was getting so much better at this game

"What exactly was the plan?"

I refuse to answer the question there was no way I was going to open my mouth and…. "Well, um, you see, the plan, it uh," thankfully, I was saved from my stupid rambling be the biggest sneeze ever

"Bless you"

"Thanks," I sniffled. Wow I really didn't feel that great. "Can I maybe go back to sleep now?" I asked ranger. At this point my limbs felt so heavy I doubted I could move even if Ranger ordered me out.

Ranger just nodded and I lay back down. I closed my eyes and felt the bed sag behind me. I opened one eye and turned my head. "Batman has naptime too?" I queried. I scooched closer to Ranger until I could feel the vibration of his laughter at my back.

"Yeah babe, Batman has naptime too"


	3. Chapter 3

This is REALLY IMPORTANT SO PLEASE READ IT!!!!!

Ok, so I am very very very sorry that its been so long since I've updated any of my stories, I know, I'm horrible. Sadly tho, my muse left me, and has only just recently returned. Now that the ungrateful brat is back, I'll be continuing my stories. (YAY ME!!) LOL

**Here's the impotant part:**

**If anyone who is reading this is done with LMT could you please please please drop me a review or a pm and tell me what happens? I've heard rumors, and I don't want to read the book if it's going to piss me off. I have enough love triangles to deal with w/o having to add a fictional one to the list. I just need to know if she makes a choice, and if so, who does she choose. Thanks for your help!!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

A/n WOW, its been 4 EVER since I added to this story, and for that I apologize… Well, not much I can do about it now except UPDATE. I would really appreciate it if y'all wanted to drop me a review, but if you don't I probably won't come after you with a chainsaw. (it would most likely be a spork) neways, enjoy,

Ps, I don't own ne one in this fiction, I'm only the sick mind that creates the plots. Seriously, you think if I owned Ranger I'd share? Pshhh, Keep dreaming!

The next time I woke up, I felt worse. This was no hangover that I was dealing with. Man, me and my crazy drunken plan to get ranger to 'fess up had majorly backfired. Now, instead of him taking me to the batcave for the rest of eternity, I was going to be spending the rest of eternity in this bed. OK, on second thought, that didn't sound so bad. "Babe"

Friggin one word sentences, ruining my life

"Ungh." Haha, I was approaching mastery of the English language here. Whatever, my head was going to explode from all the gunk that had been trapped up there. I tried to sit up, and the room spun around for a second. I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath. That turned out not to be such a good plan as my steadying breath turned into a hacking cough. Ok, now, I just had to will my myself away from the covers and get over to the bathroom. I stood up, and thankfully, the room stayed in one place.

"Babe" Ranger's voice was serious, and he looked concerned.

"Just a cold" Wow, was that my voice, it sounded weezy? I walked past him into the bathroom. When I was finished in there, I was so tired it took all my energy to plod across the floor to my room. All my breath too. Normally, I would just written this off as Ranger's presence, but I was kinda starting to scare myself here. I hadn't ever felt this sick, and it drained me to stand up and walk to the bathroom.

. "Babe, Steph, look at me" Ranger actually sounded worried for once.

"Ranger, I really don't feel so good," I managed to gasp out. He put his hand on my forehead.

"You're burning up"

"Probably, I just need more sleep."

"Babe" Ranger looked a little bit foreboding.

"I'll just go home and take a little rest"

''You're not leaving here when you're this sick."

"But I'll get your apartment all germy and gross"

"I don't care" That explanation was good enough for me I decided. Besides, his bed was way more comfortable than mine. Plus, my hormones whispered dangerously, there was a shmexy Cuban god who would probably share it with me. If I had been any less sick, that thought would have startled me, made me jumpy. I didn't want Ranger to see me like this, nasty and weak. But at this point I was too tired to care. I sank back into the soft sheets and dropped out of the real world for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

RPOV

I had seen my babe looking a little under the weather before, but whatever had her now was not an ordinary cold. She couldn't even sit up without coughing, and she was burning up. Add that to the fact that she had just slept for about 14 hours, woken up for a few minutes, and was now fast asleep in my arms again, I was getting worried. Alright, I had past worried a long time ago. I was scared. The kind of scared that I had felt before we found her in Stiva's closet.

The elevator seemed as if it was never going to reach the garage, but finally, the doors pinged open and I was racing to the car. Steph shivered a little. She must be cold, but her skin was hot to the touch. That meant that the fever, already dangerously high, was rising. I had to hurry. I mentally noted never to let Bobby go on vacation EVER again. I needed my medic with me at a time like this, not off somewhere in the Caribbean with his girlfriend. Speeding down the streets of Trenton, I was almost glad that Steph had slept for so long. It meant that the streets were deserted, as it was approaching 2 am.

When we got to the hospital, I realized that I wasn't wearing a shirt. I had been so worried about my babe that I had been completely unaware of everything else. I was glad that I had a change of clothes stashed in the trunk. If I had walked into that hospital half naked and completely unaware, the men would never have let me live it down. I changed as quickly as I could, and then I carried the still sleeping Stephanie into the ER.

This was one of the times I was supremely glad of the effect I had on women. Within minutes of entering the doors, my Babe was being seen by a doctor. The look on her face indicated that this was NOT good. "How long has she been like this" She queried.

"She woke up about 15 hours ago, and she could barely cross the floor from the bed to the bathroom. Before that, I wouldn't know"

The doctor quirked up an eyebrow. "Do you have any idea if she was feeling ill recently, tired, having trouble breathing, anything"

"If she was, she didn't mention it to me"

"We're going to admit her. To be honest with you, she's very sick, but, you got her to the hospital in time. Her fever isn't high enough yet to have caused any damage, but she's very close to that level. We're going to give her some oxygen, help her breath, and an IV with lots of fluid." While the doctor was explaining this, she had waved over a nurse, paused briefly to whisper something in her ear, and was scribbling something on the charts. "You're going to need to fill out these forms."

"Can I stay with her?" I needed to. I needed to make sure that she would be OK.

The doctor gave me a speculative look, and then smiled. "As long as you get those forms filled out, I don't see why that would be a problem"

I mentally thanked any power that I could think of that this doctor a, had focused completely on Steph, b, was breaking hospital policy for me, and c, didn't seem to expect me to sleep with her for the favor.

The next day was tough for me; I didn't leave her side for more than two minutes. She would wake up occasionally, murmur something incomprehensible, and then fall back into sleep. Once, she muttered something that sounded a great deal like yes, batcave, love, forever, and smiled. Unfortunately, this had been the time that Tank was in the room, going over the day's events with me.

"You finally told her!" Tank was beaming

"Not exactly" I was loathe to crush Tank's hope, but lying to my best friend was not what I did

"What is your problem man? She made it clear when she broke his nose at Pino's that she wanted nothing more to do with the cop, and you know she loves you"

"But my past, Tank, its just too dangerous for her. I don't want to have to sit like this again, and be the reason that she's in the hospital."

"Hate to break it to you, but she's landed herself here before. She'd be safer with you, and you know it. You're just too much of a coward to tell her how you feel"

I couldn't deny it. I was scared. There was no way that my babe could still love me after the horrible, stupid and spiteful things that I said to her.

"Honestly, you did screw up. A lot"

"Thanks for that"

"Let me finish!" Tank cut me off "You screwed up royally, and now Steph thinks that you don't love her the way that everyone else in the state knows you do. I see the way she looks at you when you two idiots are in a room together. She wants you to love her, and she would say something, but she thinks that you only want her for sexual reasons. So, what you need to do is suck it up, and tell her how you feel"

Someone cleared their throat in the doorway and we both turned our heads to glare at the intruder. It was the doctor that had admitted Steph to the hospital. "I hate to interrupt your conversation" she said smiling, "But the woman you love" this she directed to me, "needs more medication. This is probably going to wake her up, so I suggest that you wrap up the discussion before I give this to her." The syringe that the doctor was holding was indeed wicked looking. There was silence in the room, interrupted only by the faint beeping emitted by the machines that were monitoring Steph. "Ok, fine." The doctor harrumphed, "You," she gestured to me, pointing the syringe at my chest, "are an idiot for alienating the woman who you love and who loves you. But," she smiled mysteriously, "she'll forgive you if you apologize. Trust me on this one, we women know that men are MORONS," she stressed the word "And if you admit to your stupidity, then almost anything will be forgiven. Unless you cheated, that's more complex. You didn't cheat did you?"

All I could do was shake my head no

"Good, because I don't have time for that lecture right now." With that, she strode over to the IV and injected the contents of the syringe into it.

"You" She pointed to Tank "Come with me" Tank did as he was told, winking at me as he left. He obviously liked the doctor's unusual antics


	6. Chapter 6

Yay, an update!!!! Ok, so I'm feeling that this story prolly has like 2-3 more chapter max. Sorry to anyone looking for a good plot, this is merely crazyness and fluff.

**Thank you to every one who reviewed!!! I'm glad that everyone enjoyed the Doctor so much!!! Special thanks to those of you who answered my questions about LMT. **

So I realized that I didn't mention it in my other chapter but really, if I owned these people, they wouldn't have such screwed up love lives….

Spov

Friggin alarm clock was driving me insane. beep beep beep. Well no more. I reached over to hit the snooze button, and instead made contact with warm skin. My eyes flew open, and my mind was racing, trying to figure out who had broken into my apartment this time.  
"Babe"  
Mystery solved. But why was he here? I opened my eyes. Since when was my room white, and why did it smell like antiseptic in here? Then it hit me. I was in the hospital, again. "Babe?" Ranger seemed nervous. Had the remains of a flaming car disfigured me or something? I remembered then. The margaritas with Mary Lou, the "plan", waking up in ranger's bed feeling crappy, falling back asleep, him, shirtless, carrying me in the elevator. I closed my eyes to recall that image and feeling. Now that I didn't feel like I was going to drop dead, I could enjoy that moment. "Steph, Babe, wake up" Ranger's voice had just the slightest hint of panic to the edge of it. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Unfortunately for me, he had found a shirt sometime while I was unconscious. Well that sucked. "You're wearing a shirt" Wow, sometimes, I amaze myself with my level of genius  
"Babe" this time, Ranger's voice was relieved, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkle with a suppressed smile  
"You're right I guess, we wouldn't want you to cause a riot at the hospital."  
Then, Ranger did something rare. He laughed. Not just a chuckle, which that pathetic joke warranted, but a full blown, my stomach aches, tears in my eyes laugh.   
"Ok, who's on the drugs here, me or you Batman?" I queried. This was not typical ranger behavior.  
"Definitely you Ms. Plum." Came an unfamiliar voice from the doorway. A tall woman in a lab coat and scrubs strode into the room. "Although, he," she gestured at the still amused ranger "Might be high on something else." She smiled to herself while I blinked up at her in confusion.   
"OK, moving on. How do you feel?"  
"I'm kinda achy, and my chest hurts, and I feel like I am going to cough soon, but I can talk and breathe, and my body doesn't feel like some one's ripping it apart"  
"Excellent. I'm assuming you don't love being here, am I right?"  
"Is it that obvious"  
"Yes." So, here's the deal. Be nice to the nurses, and take the meds that they give you for the next eight hours. If you can stay awake for at least four hours and your temperature doesn't go up, I'll let you go home with tall dark and gorgeous over there."   
"Deal. One question though"  
"Fire away"  
"Do I have to eat the food here?"  
The doctor laughed. "Nope. If you can persuade _someone _to go fetch you something more appetizing than the mess that they serve here, you're welcome to eat it. Just don't let the administration catch word that I gave permission."  
"No problemo"  
The doctor turned to Ranger and said "Now would be an opportune moment _Batman_." And with that last, entirely confusing comment, she left.  
"Opportune moment for what?" I wondered out loud.  
"To get you food" Ranger answered a little too quickly "What do you want to eat?"  
I wasn't that easily distracted by food, but I did my imitation of a poker face and gave him my lunch? dinner? whatever order. "Pino's meatball sub" Ranger kissed my forehead and whispered "I'll be back"  
Wrong movie, and he practically ran out of the hospital room. Something was definitely up, and I intended to get to the bottom of it. I had until ranger returned to come up with a better plan than singing in an abandoned lot at midnight. That shouldn't be too hard


	7. Chapter 7

_Well, I've been promising an end to this forever, so here it is. An untold amount of rum and tequila went into the making of this chapter, so I hope you enjoy the sacrifices of my liquor cabinet. Happy reading! _

By the time Ranger came back, I had a new (and I thought better) plan. He sauntered into room bringing with him the smell of my favorite food.

"You are a god among men," I said, with only just a hint of seriousness

Ranger shook his head "Not at all."

I snorted. "Whatever. There's totally a reason that Connie calls you the wizard.

"What's that?" He asked

"I think it has something to do with your wand". I managed to keep my face straight, but only barely.

"This you or the drugs babe?" Ranger smiled

"Both?" I giggled. Honestly it was just me, but it wasn't fair that he had all the verbal power in our relationship, friendship, whatever it was.

Ranger shook his head, and I had to hold back my laughter. Poor Batman, confuzzled once again.

"Are you going to remember this tomorrow?" He queried

"Definitely"

"Good. Because we need to talk."

On any regular day, that statement would have caused a minor panic attack. As it was, I was a woman on a mission (and also drugs).

"Nope."

Ranger looked askance

"It's my turn to talk, _Babe_," I teased

Ranger quirked an eyebrow.

"Every time you talk, bad things happen. It's my turn. You will listen"

The barest hint of a smile lifted the corners of Ranger's mouth.

"I think you need to re-evaluate your food pyramid" I started

A puzzled look crossed Ranger's face before comprehension dawned.

"You need more sugar in you diet, and as you know ripe Plums are especially sweet."

There was a snort from the doorway and an increasingly familiar voice intoned "Seriously. That's the line you're going with?" The doctor interjected

I turned to her. "The man can't accept simple statement, everything has to be coded in innuendo or intrigue or he blocks it out."

"I see. Carry on, I'll be back once you've resolved this dietary debate."

"Cool," I said, dismissing her. Turning back to shell shocked Ranger I continued. "So I propose a permanent adjustment."

Shaking himself out of a momentary stupor Ranger replied with his multifunctional "Babe"

"Ok. Plain English. I love you, you love me, kiss me and get on with it."

"Sorry, I was blocking that out."

I rolled my eyes "Fine. I want to tie you up with my lasso of truth and see the Bruce Wayne that you're hiding under all that body armor. "

Ranger grimaced.

"Yeah, you asked for it, Batman."

"I did wonder woman."

"And?"

Ranger is a man of action, and I wasn't surprised when he leaned in and kissed me. "The batcave is forever babe, and I'll take you there. The use of the lasso of truth we can talk about later."

"You've got yourself a deal." I laughed, trying to keep myself from crying like an idiot.

"Good. And babe?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you love me if you'd rather talk than eat a meatball sub."

I couldn't help but to respond. "I'll show you just what I can do you your meatball sub later."


End file.
